You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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