Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
