I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
