Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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