i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That accounts for only three of the penises
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
