I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize