I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
