Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
