Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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