Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
