I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize