I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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