Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
