I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
