Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The Olympian is in my bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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