I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
