After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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