Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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