We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
