I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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