4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
