If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
