wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
