Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
