Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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