Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
