Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
