addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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