the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Boobs are out for the taking
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
