i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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