Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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