just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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