I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My dick has a subreddit
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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