i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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