I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize