Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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