Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
