His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
