if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
