i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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