I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
