Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
