I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
