Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
