Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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