im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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