After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
