M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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