I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
