Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
