I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
