Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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