Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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