we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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