Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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