The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize