Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
