do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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