Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it glows. i had to have it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize