even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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