i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
