cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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