i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
