My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
