I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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