i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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