...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
