Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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