i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he shaved USA in his pubs
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
