i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I die, sorry about rent.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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