I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
50% drunk capacity currently
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
