I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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