and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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