You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
