at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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