She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
